I have said it once, that I will become a good singer, so that people would acknowledge me.

I have said it once, that you will give it your all to become one of the best so that people will believe in you.

Because what I am afraid of...is being casted aside.

Ask yourself. If there is a person who willingly accepts you as you are, that person...he or she will be the most important person in your life.

Your 'One'.

* * *

Even though I was a gangly, awkward boy at that point of time, shy and a little nerdy, the sort that no girls would like - you held my hand one day and said, "Suki dayo (I like you)." From then on, you were my ichiban.

Even though I was not a popular boy, and often sickly - you still accepted me. Everybody gave me a wide berth but you made me feel, happily, that somebody needed me.

I was so happy.

After I joined Johnny's, I was disappointed that I could not play basketball with SMAP. You smiled and knocked my head.

"Baaaaakaaa~! I'll play basketball with you!"

It made me smile, the small things that you did, like patting my back when I felt downcasted by a bad practice, constantly telling me that I can do it when I was still in the Junior days, playing the saxophone beside me after school hours when I was free...It made me smile.

I said then, "I will become a good singer, ne! I will make people acknowledge me!"

You would smile and knock my head, going, "Baaakaaa~!"

After Arashi debuted, I was more famous. More people knew me and more girls took notice of me. During Arashi's performances, I would look out for you in the midst of the crowd of screaming fangirls. You would grin and mouth to me, "Ganbatte."

I would grin and do my best.

All these while...you were there. From the times when I was Aiba Masaki, nerd and sick boy-next-door, to Aiba Masaki, Arashi member and "Super Idol-chan". But you have never changed.

Those fangirls can never measure up to you. You who have been for me since the beginning.

I thought I had almost lost you when you told me one day that you were going to England to pursue a higher degree in education. Your eyes were sad but they had a steely determination.

"Is this going to be goodbye?" I asked, dreading what you might say.

"Baaaakaaaa~!"

My ears perked up, with the tone you used. It was hopeful.

"I might stay there forever." Your voice softened considerably and I looked intently at my shoes. Oh god...why...My vision was getting blurrer. Damned emotions.

"Masaki...? Are you crying...?"

"No I am not. It's the rain..."

Who am I kidding? We were in my room. How could the raindrops have fallen down from my eyes, and slide down my cheek...?

"Baka...Gomen ne (I'm sorry)."

With that, you gave me a hug and left.

* * *

I could not get it out from my mind. It played over and over again in my head, that night. I hated myself. I am Aiba Masaki, super idol, but in the face of the woman I loved so much, all I could do was cry. I could not even stop her from leaving...

* * *

"Aiba-chan, i ka ga desuka (are you okay)?" Sakurai-kun punched me in the shoulder playfully.

I mustered a weak grin - I could not sleep at all last night. Today was your flight to England, and while you were waiting at the Narita Airport, I am at Shibuya practicing for the release of Arashi's new single Naisu na Kokoroiki.

"Okay...places, people."

That was the director's cue.

I took my position beside Nino-kun and we started to shoot the PV for Naisu na Kokoroiki, but I could not concentrate. I was thinking about you.

"Baby do you know me..."

Yes, do you know me? My feelings? You are my ichiban! Why are you so set on going England?

Why?
Why?
Why?
Wh.....

* * *

"Aiba-chan! Aiba-chan!"

I could vaguely hear the other members' voices as my legs became weak and my eyes growing heavier.

"Urgggghhrrrr..." I tired to make out some words but I failed to, as an acute pain in my chest hit me.

* * *

I tried to move my hand, but somebody else's hand was on top of it. Whose...? I struggled to open my eyes, and I saw you holding tight onto my hand as your petite figure slumped against the edge of my bed. Wait...it isn't my bed. It was all white. Where am I?

The smell of sanitizers assailed my nose. Death, medicine. It reeked. A strong odour of cleansing alcohol...How cold, unfeeling, white.

I was in a hospital.

...Wasn't I filming the promotional video of Naisu na Kokoroiki?
...Weren't you to board the flight to England?

What time is it...It is three! It has been eight hours. Have you been accompanying me all this while? Why didn't you go to England? So many questions I wanted to ask, but I did not want to wake you up. You looked so peaceful.

And then, being the Baka me, I sneezed.

You woke me up, startled. Without thinking about anything, you held me tight in your embrace. It was so warm. "Baka! Masaki wa hontou ni baka (Masaki is a real idiot)!"

Even though your words were harsh, but you were trembling so hard as you hugged me. I could feel your fingers holding on to the cotton hospital gown, your head against my chest, shaking subtly, as well as the growing dampness on my cotton hospital gown. I ruffled your hair.

"Boku wa daijoubu yo (I am alright)..."

And held you close.

No questions were needed. I love you. As simple as that.

* * *

You stayed by my side for that three months. It was almost like I was in my Junior days once again. "Ganbatte!" You would mouth to me. You would hold my hand through the night, sitting beside the hospital bed. During my operation, you stood outside the operation room for that gruelling three hours.

I was so glad that the first person I saw, when I woke up, was you.

* * *

"Masaki...I have to go to England now. I have delayed my studies for half a year..."

You didn't have to say anymore. I understood, but I had to do something. I had to try.

"Don't go. Aishiteru yo (I love you). Anata wa boku no ichiban, boku no koibito (You are my most important, my lover)...ne?" I nudged your cheek, but you gave me a bittersweet smile.

"Arigatou (Thank you). Demo (but)...I have to go. I want to."

...Nothing. I did not know what to say. I turned in my hospital bed, saying that I did not feel well. You look confused and disappointed, but you said nothing. And left.

* * *

Has it really been a year? It went past so fast. After you left, I got on 24 Jikan Terebi. I cried reading a letter I wrote to Arashi, but I cry at home just thinking about you.

You.

Nobody can replace you, my ichiban.

* * *

"She's coming back? Majide (Really)?! Majide?!" I was so excited hearing Yuusuke say that you were coming back two days later, choking on the fried ebi that we were having for dinner that night.

"Hai~ Chiriko said it, so I think it must be true." Chiriko, your younger sister. Wouldn't it be nice if Yuusuke and Chiriko got together? Then they can be just like us.

I smiled.

It has been too long...

I dialed up my manager.

"Ne, tenchou-san (manager)? Hai~ I would like to take leave this Wednesday ne...Onegai~ Sou sou (yes, yes). Arigatou (thank you)!" I grinned widely to myself. You were coming back! I decided to get you something.

* * *

I checked my watch. I was being impatient, ne? I ignored the looks that some fangirls where giving me. They were not important at this point of time.

Where are you...?

Each second took forever to pass.

Ahhhh! I saw you in the distance, and ran towards the Arrival Gate. You were always so recognisable to me. You stopped and turned your back, seemingly conversing with somebody else. How perfect! Then I can surprise you, ne~

I did a run-up, to be close to you. How I wanted to shout out your name, the name of Mrs. Aiba Masaki to be.

"Shi...!" I said loudly, but my voice faltered. "...zu..."

You were kissing this Caucasian guy behind you.

My heart broke, and I stood rooted to the spot.

"Shizu, I think that guy was calling you!" Damn, what is this guy taking about? Why is it all in Eigo (English)?

You turned around, and saw me.

"Masaki...kun..." Your face was incomprehensible.

Oh, so it is Masaki-kun now? Have we grown so distant?

During this one year, ...twelve months, ...fifty-two weeks, ...three hundred and sixty five days...Every day, I thought of you.

I fingered the faux velvet package in my pocket, feeling the groove around the middle and its hingers at the back. The present I bought for you.

The present which I envisioned I would give you and you would smile at me, knock my head and softly go, "Baaakaaa~"

Like how you always would.

"Ano...Masaki-kun...Meet Daniel. He is my fiance..."

Oh my god. Say no more. You are breaking my heart. "Oh...I...see..." Words fail me, dammit. What did you want me to do? How was I supposed to react?

"O...me..te...dou...(Congratulations)..."

"Arigatou (Thank you)." You seemed sheepish, embarrassed even, but you held his hand tight. I saw a ring on your ring finger. It was a beautiful ring.

But I bought you a much nicer one. How spiteful I was. Jealousy? I don't know.

I found an excuse to leave. It was too awkward...saying that I had to meet Sakurai-kun for a drink, but the truth was that I went home to think.

The beautiful jewelry box now laid on my bed. Today could be the day that I finally took you as my bride. Today could be the day where we would finally be happily together.

But it wasn't meant to be.

* * *

I cried myself to sleep, those tears of mine staining the pillow cases.

And I dreamt of you.

You, who would play basketball with me.

You, who would encourage me everytime.

You, who would knock my head lightly and go, "Baaakaaa~"

You, who held my hand at the hospital bed.

You, Shizu. My ichiban.

The preson who accepted me all these years.
The person who accepted me when nobody else would.
The person who would tell me, "Suki dayo".
The person who is my most important one.

I dreamt of you.

* * *

A/N : I wrote this while listening to "Be with You" and "Kaze", as well as watching the first ever episode of Yoiko no Mikata (where I absolutely fell in love with Sho-kun's character, Taiyou). It just made me feel that a guy who is unable to do anything when they are alone is essentially Aiba-kun, ne, or that he is unable to do much (laugh).

I hope you guys enjoy this, ne. Yoroshiku~

Arigatou gozaimasu. Comments and reviews are <3

Awwww that was sad!!!
It was sad, but ur writing style is really good. i enjoyed reading it!
Thanks!!!!!!!

so sweet..... and so sad....
and it's fic of my ichiban
anyway, good job ^^

Aww!! So well-written! I thoroughly enjoyed this story - although the end was very sad, I loved it! Very beautiful (especially most of the first half of it). *sigh* Aiba-kun, I wonder what he thinks, and what goes on in his head?

Liz

shaobb > Thank you so much for your comments! *gives a cookie*

starmelody > Thank you very much!

Love So Sweet > Thank you very much! I think about that too, because Aiba-chan always seems so happy-go-lucky - he's very unpredicatble.

:3

Such a sweetheart. Thank you for your comment!

This story was sooo good! Wow... I was thinking it'd be a happy ending, but it wasn't. You wrote this so beautifully... I could feel Aiba's sadness seeping through the words and how real and painful love can be. Thanks for writing this ^.^

the ending was a bigggggggggg wooshing turn; poor aiba =(
thanks for writing this

mcmugsocute > And thank you, for reading it. I don't know how it would be writing a happy ending, because...IDK, it felt as if it was not possible (at that time).

sheskristy > Thank you for reading it![/b]

omg! hearbreaking! really~
but i like how you write the whole story (:
more of it, onegaishimasu

GAHHH!!! so touching....
*unbreak my heart please*

but anyways, good piece of writing!