I just read chapter 8 and thought it's flow worked for both. I did read chapter 7 and must say your doing a fantastic job with the story. Sorry I can't help with the Kitagawa issue.

Awesome flow, I also read chapter 7, complete awesomeness. I hope everything turns out good for Jun and her. And, I've seen a picture of Kitagawa-san but I forget where. He looked like a normal ojiichan! It was sort of funny. Hope you finish your work too. Ganbattekudasai!

aahh..i want to read chap 7...guess that i'll have to wait until u grant me d access then....


ganbatte~~

waaah!!...and now im starting to like matsujun!

haha. anyways, waaaa!! kitagawa san?! uh oh! is she gonne be fired?

yabe be!!


i wanna read chapter 7..


really!

please allow me?...i have comment at your lj, please?!?

Author’s Notes:

Gomen for the long time it took before I updated this fic. I had to cram a lot of things at work before I left for that business training seminar last August 25. It was for one of our renewed retailing contracts in the family biz. So for about 2 and a half weeks during that time, I only had about an hour a day for fangirling and fanfiction – which means that my brain wasn’t really coming up with anything good for chapter 9 ‘coz an hour a day is just for fangirling, not writing, hahaha.

Then, of course, came the attempt at getting 2008 Taipei AAA tickets, which distracted me entirely from this fic. But now that I’ve finally recovered from the whole Taipei concert business and the demands of my work have died down a little... I was able to find time to finish this chappie! Another Yey!!!

Thanks so much to abychu, hinamorisohma18 and jerseyjudy for their help in my research for this chapter... (bows deeply in appreciation)... Thanks also to those who gave input on the topic of my research. I hope the way I depicted Johnny here is somewhat realistic, even if it is sure to be inaccurate.

By the way, I have no idea about what goes on behind the scenes in Johnny’s Jimusho, nor do I know the staff positions people hold in this company, or whether or not Arashi’s managers are male or female, so all the stuff I wrote here is based on what would work for the plot that’s in my head.

Anyway, thanks also to all you lovely people who have left comments for Chapter 8 (and the earlier chaps) either at Aibakaland or at my LJ. You guys are awesome!!! I can’t thank you enough for staying with this story! .

Oh, and to be perfectly honest, I’ve been trying to end this fic since chapter 7. Hopefully, I can finish this soon... ‘coz I’m eager to start on my 2nd fic for the “Lady X” series (or nameless series) in my MatsuJun writing project...

Ok, hope you enjoy this chapter.




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Chapter 9:



Johnny stared at the young woman who had just entered the conference room. Her work clothes were stylish but in a subdued way. And she kept her hair tied back, hiding the length in a nondescript chignon that made the graceful features of her face stand out. She carried herself well. And there was barely a hint that she was nervous. But Johnny had several years of looking at and reading people and it was the tension in her face that gave her nerves away.

Nonetheless, he had to admire MatsuJun’s taste in women, even if he wasn’t at all interested in that gender.

He knew the exact moment when she recognized him in the room. Her eyes grew large and her mouth formed a delicate little “o” that gave her bemused expression a hint of innocence.

He called out to her as he beckoned her forward.

“YOU! Come here!”

As she walked to the conference table, she felt Johnny Kitagawa’s stare.

Since he occupied one end of the oval table, he pointed that she should sit on the other end, directly across from him. As she sat down, she stared at the man and tried to remember all the assorted facts and rumors she knew about him. But the amazing thing was, as she looked at him, she realized that he was probably the most mysterious man she would ever meet in her entire lifetime.

If she didn’t know that he was Johnny Kitagawa, she would think he was just another old guy who accidentally found himself in this meeting. From the waist up, he wore an ordinary black shirt and a black leather jacket. His greying curly hair was cut short, leaving only the rims of his glasses to frame his weathered face.

Remove the jacket, dress him up in a Hawaiian shirt and he could be anyone’s grandfather.

It was perhaps for that reason that all the power from Johnny’s whole persona came out when he spoke. Johnny held all the secrets. And the rest of the world would only know what he thought if he wanted them to.

She glanced at the other occupants of the room. As she had entered, they had all been standing or moving about, but now they occupied the other seats of the oval table and all of them imitated Johnny by staring at her.

There were two people there she had seen before but never spoken to. One was the executive assistant of Johnny’s sister, Mary. And the other was the Public Relations Head for the whole company.

MatsuJun’s temperamental manager was also there. She was the one who made sure that the best scripts and endorsement deals fell into his lap. She had often been referred to as Kamatari from Rurouni Kenshin because she wasn’t really a she, but a former he, hiding it well under all that make-up. Although Kamatari could be a bit vicious when criticizing her subordinates, her devotion to MatsuJun more than made up for it.

The last person in the room was her boss. He was Arashi’s J-Storm Manager, thereby making her Arashi’s assistant manager under that recording label. And it was his job to set-up the music/recording deals, TV shows and concerts for Arashi with input from their other managers.

Since beginning a year and a half ago as one of the many lower level staff for Johnny’s, being part of J-Storm was her biggest dream. She knew it would give her the most exposure to Arashi-sama. In the end, she had far surpassed that dream by becoming their assistant manager. But whether or not she would still have her position by the end of the day, she didn’t know.

Was she getting fired? Was she getting reassigned? Was Johnny even going to be the one deciding on those things?

His face remained expressionless as he continued to look at her.

“I understand we have a small problem?” Johnny directed that question to her boss, who began clearing his throat.

“I came back to Tokyo two nights ago, on Saturday to be exact, which was the night of Arashi’s concert and left my new assistant manager in charge.” He paused to smile at her. “I gave her instructions on what to do and since she’s been through many concerts under my team, I knew she could handle it. And she did. She even handled the incident at the hotel.” He looked at Johnny in explanation.

“What exactly was this incident that happened at the hotel?” Kamatari glared this question at her, daring her to respond. “I did not work so hard for the past five years helping him build his acting career if it’s just going to be ruined by some novice who doesn’t even know anything about the entertainment business.”

“Ano....” She hesitated. All eyes were focused on her as she tried to find her words.

“Well?” Kamatari raised one eyebrow.

“Aa... Matsumoto-san was found yesterday morning at his hotel room with me.” She paused as she let this statement sink in. “It appeared that we had spent the night together in his bedroom and one of the hotel staff overheard our names and recognized the situation for what it was...”

“Which was?”

“That... uh... the situation would have been very good to exploit. In any case, it was the cleaning lady. I talked with the hotel manager just this morning and it seems she still hasn’t come to work today.”

“What exactly did you do after you were...uh...found in that situation...” The Public Relations head asked this question.

From the worried looks and anxious faces, it seemed they had assumed the worst and probably thought she was found naked in bed with MatsuJun. This had her blushing crimson.

“Um... it wasn’t like that really... there were no pictures or videos... and the rest of Arashi-sama can confirm that Matsumoto-san and I were clothed when we...ano... when we... were discovered.”

Understanding the awkwardness of the situation, the PR head smiled at her encouragingly, wanting her to get on with the story, but wanting her to be comfortable enough that she not miss any details.

“Well, after...after we all realized that the cleaning lady had taken off, I told Arashi-sama not to try and find her, that I would handle it. I went back to my own room after setting an appointment with the hotel manager. When I met with him, I told him that Matsumoto-san and the cleaning lady had an argument over a small matter and that I had tried to intervene. Then I made it appear that she threatened to report about how rude Matsumoto-san was to the hotel management and maybe even to the press. After I said that, the hotel manager apologized and said that he would do his best to settle any problems we or the cleaning lady might have with each other.”

The others digested this information in silence as they looked for any holes or problems in how she had handled the situation.

“Hmmm... So if the cleaning lady comes out with the truth, the hotel management will think that she’s lying and they’d probably consider reprimanding or even firing her for slander towards a guest. And if she’s dumb enough to take this to the press without any evidence, not a single tabloid would be willing to print it. But if they did, the hotel would already know where we stand and never back it up.”

Several seconds after making this analysis, the PR head finally gave her his full smile with the realization that he didn’t have any scandal or gossip to contain. Johnny gave instructions to his sister's executive assistant to find out more about the hotel, it's manager and that cleaning lady. But only as a precaution.

“You handled that quite well. But I wonder why you didn’t even bother consulting your superiors on what to do...especially since you’re like, what? Five or six days old in this job?” Kamatari was still pretty miffed over what could have happened.

“I admit that the cause for my not consulting with anyone was entirely personal. Because I was involved, I wanted to handle it myself. That was very unprofessional and I am very sorry for my selfishness.”

She stood up and bowed low to everyone.

“I’ve heard enough.” Johnny’s voice brought them all back to the gravity of the situation. The scandal may have been averted, but her fate was still to be determined.

“I would like to talk to you alone.” Johnny looked at her as he said this. “And to the rest of you, no word of this gets out.” The others stood up to leave. But just before the door closed behind them, she saw Kamatari look at her condescendingly.

“Sit.” As she sat, Johnny stood. He went to the service tray and got them each a glass of water.

The tension was so high, she could almost feel herself trying to catch her breath.

“Your supervisor has told me that you’re good at your job.” He paused, giving her time to confirm or deny this. She responded with a slight nod. “His move to promote you is actually quite unprecedented. You’ve only been with us for a year and a half, and only with Arashi for the last ten months or so.”

Again she nodded.

His impassive face gave nothing away as his eyes watched her. “He says that you are the only person he has seen over the years with the potential for managing Arashi under J-Storm. His plan is to groom you as his successor within the next five years before he takes on an early retirement.”

She was stunned. She never expected that her boss thought of her in that way. And early retirement? Wasn’t he just like forty or something?

“I can see from your reaction that you never expected this. He usually only takes on assistants that he feels will make it to the top positions in this business. MatsuJun’s current manager was actually one of his apprentices.”

Eh? Kamatari was his previous assistant? It’s no wonder she has issues with me...

“I can personally understand what he sees in you. You seem to have the drive to do well and you value your clients. But beyond that, you have the talent for this business.”

She watched him drink from his water glass. And sensing her opportunity, she said the first thing that came to mind.

“Excuse me... sir... what do you mean I have the talent?”

Johnny Kitagawa smiled. This made the creases on his face deepen. And though it made him appear more approachable, it somehow had the opposite effect on her.

“You may look delicate and fragile but I can see how your mind works. You’re a shark, or at least you become one when it comes to Arashi. But no one would ever guess that or even see that until you get the job done or get the deal signed. Plus, your face is quite expressive that people don’t feel like you’re hiding anything. That is what I mean by talent. You aren’t as obvious when you try to get what you want, especially for your clients. And that’s probably one of the reasons why Kamatari-kun feels jealous of you.”

Johnny smiled at this.

She looked at him sharply, noticing that he hadn’t used Kamatari’s real name but rather her alias.

“You look surprised. Contrary to the opinion that I’ve left the managing side of the company to my sister, I actually know a lot about what goes on here. Do you want to know what your co-workers call you behind your back?” Johnny Kitagawa gave a brittle laugh as he saw her worried expression.

“Don’t be so tense. Your subordinates actually like you. But it may interest you to know that I am aware of how you used to be part of the Arashi fanclub until five years ago. And that you quit to get a better chance at joining my company as a serious career woman, rather than as a fan...”

She was speechless. And scared. Johnny Kitagawa had thoroughly researched her background and could probably see right through her. And he most likely knew enough information to use against her if he wanted.

He stood up and went to the glass paned walls facing the streets of Tokyo that went from the floor to the ceiling of the room. As he moved the blinds, light from the afternoon sun filtered into the room.

Johnny Kitagawa was silent as she digested the full extent of his power. He really was not just some ordinary old man.

“As I see it, we have three problems.” As he said this, Johnny faced her, his blank expression giving nothing away.

“One, you are involved with your client. Which means your emotions might cloud your judgement and you might act in a manner that is not in the best interests of this company, or that of your client.” She couldn’t deny that she had already made a decision that was purely biased on her part.

“Two, your relationship with your client might cause him to make decisions that are also not in the best interests of his career, or that of his band mates...” After saying this, Johnny walked away from the glass pane and moved towards her.

“And three, there are no exemptions to the rules I have in keeping the relationships of my boys private, which means you can never publicly proclaim what he is to you, nor you to him. At least, not unless he wants to take on a less active role in the band. And I don’t see that coming anytime soon.”

Johnny Kitagawa pulled the chair beside her and sat down.

“So, my dear, with all these complications in mind, what do you plan to do?”

At that moment, no answer would come to her.



-0-0-0-0-0-0-




As she left the conference room several minutes later, she saw that Kamatari was still outside, sitting in the lobby close to the elevators.

Kamatari waited until they had both entered the same elevator and pressed the buttons to their respective floors before she spoke.

“You’ve come a long way from being a personal assistant. I mean, all this in the span of just a year or two?”

“If it bothers you, Sempai, please ask my supervisor exactly why he moved me up.” She wouldn’t back down as Kamatari tried to establish her dominance.

“That’s actually not what I wanted to talk to you about. I just wanted to warn you.”

“About?”

“This is a very hard industry we are in. And the client’s success is our own as well. I just don’t want you to jeopardize Jun-kun’s career, or mine for that matter.”

“I would never dream of it. And I don’t think he’s the kind of person to let another dictate his life.”

“You’re right, he isn’t. But Jun-kun never enters relationships lightly. I believe that as his lover, you have the power to make or break him. And you can actually cheat him out of his destiny, whether you intend to or not.”

As the elevator doors opened to Kamatari’s floor, she stepped out and looked back.

“Just keep your head out of the clouds and think about it.”



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Time seemed to drag on forever. By the end of the day, all she wanted to do was go home and sleep away her problems.

She went back to her place. But as she neared her apartment, she saw him sitting with his back to her door, his head on his knees, dozing.

He looked as tired as she felt. She crouched towards him and stroked his cheek to wake him up.

He blinked and when he saw that it was her, he smiled.

“I missed you.” He touched her lips softly with his, making her sigh a little before pulling back.

“I’ve been in such a bad mood from missing you that I cut my meeting short with the Tokyo Dome director.”

She smiled and imagined the stress the director would have been in as he dealed with MatsuJun in a bad mood. It seemed he was still a bit grouchy, maybe more so because his work was not up to his usual standards. Then she remembered Kamatari’s words, and Johnny’s as well, and the smile faded from her face.

She straightened up and put her key in the lock. As they both stepped inside and took off their shoes, she asked the first thing that came into her mind.

“Did anyone see you come into my building?”

“No And I’ve only been here a few minutes.”

“Did anyone leave you any weird messages or letters or something?”

“No.” He eyed her suspiciously. “How did the meeting with Johnny-san go?”

“You knew about that?”

“Yeah, I called my manager yesterday to get some advice on what happened back at the hotel and she told me about the meeting.”

“What else did she say?”

“She told me not to worry. That all of you would handle it. I think what’s been driving me insane for the past two days was that I couldn’t be there for you. And I couldn’t even talk to you alone.” MatsuJun watched as she went to her mini-kitchen and began to prepare tea.

“I know. I’m sorry. But it was better that way. At least if any reporters were waiting to get a scoop, they would have come away with nothing. You know, I don’t think you should be here. Maybe we should wait until a few more days before you start coming over again.”

MatsuJun closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to keep his temper down.

“I don’t want to talk about that. How did your meeting go?”

“Aa... it was okay. They all think that I handled the situation pretty well for a first timer. But it’s still a wait and see kind of thing. The hotel manager said he’d call my office number if he had any updates.”

She brought the tea over to the living room and sat on the other end of the couch MatsuJun occupied. She felt weird, having such a normal conversation with him, and acting like his girlfriend. They were living in the illusion that nothing was wrong, but their relationship was already changing them, and affecting how they both did their work.

“What’s wrong?” MatsuJun asked as he sipped his tea.

“Huh? Nothing, nothing’s wrong.”

“You’re not really very good at lying, you know. Or maybe I can just tell when you do.” He put his tea down and stared at her.

They’d probably start fighting if she told him what was on her mind.

She leaned back on her couch, and thought about what she had to do. She loved him. It was a realization that had come too late for her to enjoy the short time they had before facing reality.

Sensing that she wasn’t ready to talk, MatsuJun lied back on her sofa and rested his head on her lap. As he closed his eyes, he felt one of her hands caressing his hair.

As she looked at him, she felt her breath catch at the thought of saying goodbye.

Could she really do it? Could she really end this before it got too deep for them to back away?

As she debated over telling him what needed to be said, MatsuJun took one of her hands into his own.

“Can I stay the night?”

When their eyes met, it was her heart that answered for her.

“Yes.”




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Author’s Notes :


To Amethyst-chan: This is the chapter where I injected the “biting reality” that you emailed me about. Also, thanks for helping me settle on the nickname for MatsuJun’s manager. And super super thanks for helping me fix the ending to this chapter. I really hate it when the story mutates. This is the second time it happened for this fic. I’m happy that I’m sane enough to realize when it happens and that I can call you to smack me on the head when I’m being taken over by too much MatsuJun “kyaaa-ness”...

To Minna-san: this is sort of like an explanation chapter so I feel like it's kind of dragging (like you want to skip parts of it). Anyways, what do you guys think? I believe this is the first chapter that centered mainly on the girl...

Anyway, please leave comments (whether they are positive or negative, I will be eternally grateful to know what you think)...

Also, I’m really hoping that the next chapter will be the last... But if this story takes on another life of its own, well, I don’t know, haha...

sorry for not commenting for so long!!!
wow,this story takes interesting turns...i don't really know what to say,it'S just great,but i'm so sad about the reality
'why do all the good things come to an end',ne ...
it really wouldn't matter for me if the story would keep going on btw,be sure that I'll be reading
so keep it up with ur next chap and ganbatte !!!!!!!!

Haha, your welcome for the Kitagawa pics. ;P
Andand, this chapter made me nervous. I was worried about MatsuJun and everything. xD I just hope nothing happens in the morning becuase MatsuJun stayed at her house. :S

thought i'd comment on both LJ and Aibakaland

amazing work as usual, but i'm sad you're wrapping it up so soon, but then again, i know you're itching to start on the next fic. i am too, but there's no way that's going to happen *looks at 50+ chapters of current ShoxAiba fic*

anyways, keep it up and hope to read more from you soon

Still loving the story. I liked the "You, come here" bit. From what I remember from one of the interviews that is how the boys described Kitagawa directs them. Awaiting your next chapter.

Wow, what is she gonna do? Give him up or be a secret? I'm not sure how this will turn out. It seems a little doomed. I don't mean to be a pessimist or anything but this is the worst!
Well, Please update soon! And yay Taipei tickets!!!

will they broke up?


please dont let them!

please?


update again

Author’s Notes:



I apologize for the delay in producing Chapter 10. My main excuse is that I have been super busy with real life activities and I haven’t found enough time. I’ve been juggling running the family business while my parents are away, the Christmas production for our zone (I’m the director), this fanfic and other personal stuff as well.

And when I do get opportunities to write, I’ve kind of been hung up on my experiences of the Arashi Around Asia in Taipei 2008 Concert. What I mean is, after coming back from Taipei, I kind of felt weird about writing this fanfic because there was a sense of realism now to my Arashi experience and for some reason, I just couldn’t write anything.

On a side note: Seeing them LIVE was the best!!! And I read in some LJs that Arashi-sama is planning to go to Southeast Asia for the 3rd AAA (maybe Thailand, Singapore or Malaysia). Wow, just knowing they’re gonna come to S.E. Asia is making my heart go dokidoki... I’m totally eager for AAA3!!! KYAAA!!!

Anyway, I now give you the latest instalment in this story... I want to end this fic right and not hurriedly, so although I said I wanted to finish it already and start the other one, I’m just going to let the story guide me. Thanks a lot to all who have read my previous chapters and especially to those who have left feedback...

Hope you enjoy reading this and please comment if you can about how this chapter went for you... Arigatou! XD





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Chapter 10:




She lay beside him as she watched sunlight filter into her studio apartment. It was almost time to get ready for work but she had only slept for a few hours. She had woken at around three in the morning and being restless, had gotten up to write her thoughts down on her journal.

When she went back to bed, MatsuJun had automatically guided her back into his arms and buried his face against the nape of her neck, uttering four simple words that had kept her awake until it was almost time to get up.

“Don’t leave me again.”

He said them with the same angry impatience that came so often with his ‘mendokusai’ attitude. She smiled a bit, amazed that such an easily irritated nature could be so appealing to her.

Don’t leave me again. She didn’t really have to. She didn’t actually have to do anything. Things could remain as they were.

But the words Kamatari-sempai had said the day before also kept coming back to haunt her. And even the thoughts she had put down in her journal made her realize that she couldn’t simply cocoon herself with MatsuJun in this relationship and ignore everything else.

She looked at the time and realized that it was about half past six. She did a mental inventory of the contents of her kitchen cabinets and small refrigerator and realized that she didn’t have enough of anything to make a decent breakfast. It was actually a good thing because cooking was definitely not her strong point.

She got up to leave the bed, but as she did so, a hand grasped hers before she could take a step further.

“Where are you going?”

His voice had the rough huskiness of early morning and it made her close her eyes as she imagined waking up to that sound every day.

“I’m just going out to buy some breakfast.”

His grip didn’t loosen.

“I can cook us something.” He still wasn’t moving from the bed despite that offer.

“Well maybe you can, but I don’t have anything for you to cook.”

He opened his eyes at these words as something in her tone made him take notice.

“You don’t know how to cook, do you?” He said this while laughter simmered just below the surface of his smile.

“I can... um... fry things.” She blushed after saying that much. And sure enough, the evil sadistic ass laughed upon discovering another of her weaknesses. She tried to turn away but he dragged her down on top of him.

“I guess that’s another thing I’ll have to teach you.” The laughter in his eyes faded, and they turned serious as his gaze dropped to her lips.

Yabai. He’s making me weak against him again. Tonight. Yes, remember tonight.

Just as he reached to caress her lips with his own, he felt one of the pillows smack him on the face.

“Kuso! What is it with you and hitting me with these things?” He flung the pillow to her side of the bed and sat up as he glared at her.

When the blankets fell away, she remembered that he had only worn his boxers to sleep. None of her shirts would fit and as she stared at his bare chest, she felt herself blushing and averting her eyes. They had slept together last night, nothing more. They had both been tired and had wanted to find comfort in simply being with each other. But that didn’t stop her from thinking about what happened the last time they slept in a bed.

“I wonder what people would think if they found out that all those deep words you say during interviews are just a cover to hide such an ecchi personality.”

He raised his eyebrows at that and made a move to lunge after her.

She let out a surprised squeal, grabbed some clothes and locked herself in the bathroom, the sounds of his laughter grating on her nerves.

When she was dressed, she went over to his side and glared at him. “I won’t be gone long. I’m just buying something from the bakery.”

He was still smiling after she had left.

He was usually weak in the mornings but he was wide awake now. If only he could have been this alert back at that hotel, then maybe they could have gone on as before and they both wouldn’t have anything to worry about now.

As he moved around in her apartment, getting dressed and freshening up, he heard the sound of his cell phone ringing. He padded into her small living room where he had left it at the table last night.

As he answered the call, he heard his manager at the other end.

“Good, you’re awake. I was afraid I’d have to send someone there to wake you. Can you get to the office in an hour?”

“Eh? Was the Arashi photo shoot moved earlier?

“No, that’s still set for 1pm. The commercial you’re supposed to shoot tomorrow had to be moved. The director has a family emergency and was hoping to postpone but then I told him we can’t because of your concert tour. So he asked to move it up for today because he’s in a hurry to get to his family in Hokkaido. “

“Is everything okay, is his family okay?”

“I think so, just a small accident. But he’s still in a hurry to see them. Listen, Jun-kun. If you don’t get this commercial, they’ll give it to some other Johnny’s guy. You may be their first choice but they also have their own deadline. I need you to get here by 8am so we can get to the shoot in half an hour. Or do you want me to send a car over?”

“Can I just meet you at the director’s studio?”

“What? No, no! The commercial won’t be shot there but at a different address.”

“Then give me the address.”

“I need you to be on time. I’ll just send the car over.”

“No, just give me the address and I’ll meet you there at 8:30.”

Kamatari gave a slight huffing sound before agreeing. If he was late, she was going to scream!

“Do you have pen and paper?”

“Chotto matte.” He saw a desk full of papers and books in one side of the apartment. He found writing paper but no pen. Then he saw one sticking out of a notebook. He opened it, got the pen and wrote down the address.

After hanging up, he moved to return the pen but when he saw his name written on the notebook, he froze and began to read.

His whole body tensed up, his face masking his emotions as her words began to sink in.

That’s how she found him when she got back to the apartment, standing there reading her personal journal.


-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-


She sat in front of her office desk, trying to bury herself in work to avoid thoughts of this morning from intruding. But every time she saw his name among her files, she’d replay that scene over and over again. That was how her boss found her as he passed by. Seeing her slightly glazed look as she reviewed Arashi’s work schedule, he called her to his office and shut the door when she was seated.

“Daijoubu desu ka?”

“Ha? ... Ah... hai.”

“And Matsumoto-kun?

“Eh? Ano... I’m sure he’s fine as well.”

Her boss smiled and took his own seat opposite hers, with his mahogany table between them.

“Personal and professional life are never separate. And when you’re dating your own client, it’s hard to be objective.” He leaned back into his chair as he watched her. “Kamatari-kun has asked me to speak with you.”

Her head shot up at these words and her eyes held his. Just as expected of Sempai.

“She told me that you two had talked yesterday and that she doesn’t know if you really understand your job in this company.”

She sat a little straighter.

“You have probably wondered why you were promoted so fast? Well, to tell you honestly, you’re definitely not P.A. material. Back when you were still running errands, your bosses always gave you the harder assignments and tasks while the others just slacked off. And, sorry to laugh about this, but I have never really seen assistants wear anything more than casual clothes. But somehow, you would wear smart work clothes, definitely practical, but in no way casual.”

Her boss grinned at her as he said this.

“I found you weird. Like who does this girl think she is with that work attire and everything when she’s just running errands and such. It made me want to put you in a different setting, where that style of yours would have some use. And so I gave you more work, tested you, checked if you could handle it. And you did.”

She smiled at him, grateful for his confidence in her abilities.

“Kamatari-kun has it wrong. You know what this job is. In fact, I think you know it so well and are so dedicated to your own clients that you wouldn’t hesitate deciding on your own what you think is best for them. That’s what’s wrong with us managers sometimes. We think we know what’s best for them and end up not consulting or asking, but telling.”

He saw her blush guiltily over what he said.

“Johnny-san has asked me to talk with you as well.” He saw surprise once again cross her face. “After talking with you yesterday, he’s worried that you might do something drastic and stupid. And he may be right. I sometimes forget how young you actually are.”

As her boss ended their conversation, she realized that like Johnny-san, he was also leaving it up to her to decide on how to handle her relationship with MatsuJun. But with what happened this morning, maybe it was already over... and maybe it couldn’t have ended any other way.

As she sat back down at her work station, she fought hard to hold back her tears. When her phone rang, she automatically answered. It took her a while to realize that the person on the other end was calling about what happened two days ago, when they were discovered at the hotel.





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MatsuJun sat in one of the sofas of the studio lounge as the other members took turns with their individual shots. He had arrived earlier than the others after his commercial taping and was now waiting for them to finish so that they could have their group shots taken.

He held a book in his hands but he just stared at it as he remembered what happened this morning. And what he read in her diary.





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Entry No. 497





It’s about 3am now and I can’t sleep. But I’m happy about that because I get to watch him sleep. He looks so peaceful and relaxed, like a baby without a care in the world.

When did he start showing me his softer, gentler side? His unguarded side?

For this brief moment, I can be selfish and imagine that he’s mine and that I’m his. But now, I understand him better and I know how strong his ambition is.

He deserves all the success that he can possibly achieve and it’s not my place to tie him down or hold him back. I see that other people’s opinions, especially those close to him, really matter.

And as his girlfriend, that would mean that I would matter more than the others, right?

It makes me feel all giddy just saying these words... I would matter to Matsumoto Jun and I would be the person he comes home to.

But what would that mean exactly? We’d see each other at work and pretend nothing’s going on? Then when we both come home, we could be together?

And what if someone finds out about us? Then that would mean a scandal that would be plastered in tabloids and newspapers and everywhere, ruining his current popularity and his agreement with J.E.

As his girlfriend, I have the power to make or break him. These words keep entering my head. Matsumoto Jun is definitely not the type of person to be lead around. But he is the type to be influenced. And I don’t think I’m the right person to be influencing him in any way. I’ve proven that I can’t be objective. And I don’t think I could take it if I jeopardized his career.

I don’t want to become one of those clingy girlfriends who whine that their boyfriend doesn’t have time for them. But I also don’t want to be the woman who waits in the shadows.

I really do love him. So much that it scares me. And I do know that he cares a great deal for me. But I think that maybe these feelings are no longer enough.

He’s a man destined for something greater than what he is now. He’s driven to do more and be more. And I don’t want to cheat him of that.

It would be great if I could live in this moment. And in some way, maybe my head is still in the clouds just like Kamatari-san said. I’m sort of still stuck in the story of the idol who falls for his fan...

But the truth is, I know I take second place to his career. And as his assistant manager, I wouldn’t have it any other way. But as his girlfriend, I think it’s bound to hurt me more and more in the future.

And it would make me bitter and resentful...

So I would much rather we end this relationship now than have two miserable people at the end of it all.

I guess that means I have decided to let Matsumoto Jun go. And also ask to be reassigned.

I actually tried to tell him last night, but I couldn’t. Or maybe I’m just prolonging the inevitable.

It’s just that when we’re together, all thoughts of the future or of reality just fly out the window.

Tonight. I need to tell him tonight.



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After reading these words, MatsuJun had felt nothing but shock. And it was at that moment that she had returned to the apartment. He turned and saw her holding her keys in one hand, and a plastic bag with what looked like their breakfast in the other.

“You read my diary?”

“No... ano... I just needed a pen and I saw one sticking out of it.”

Her eyes reflected the hurt she felt thinking that he had invaded her privacy. But he was also aching inside, thinking that she had betrayed him like this.

“But did you read it?”

He struggled to maintain some semblance of control, masking his feelings behind what he hoped was a blank expression.

He looked at her.

And it hurt to look at her.

All he could think was that he just had to get away.

“I have to go.”

They had stood there staring at each other. Then he let his feet take him to the door.

And just before he stepped out and closed it, he heard her whisper “I’m sorry.”











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Whew! Okay, Chapter 10 is done... Yey!!! But I kind of want to choke the girl and at the same time hug her after I finished writing this chapter. I’m still torn with how to end this but I’ll just let the story take hold and I’ll worry about that later.



I’m hoping that my work clears up so that I can finish Chapter 11 by the 1st week of December. I’m so thankful to Joan and Amethyst-chan, who have been sort of my sounding boards for this fic.



So this is the part where I ask for your comments.



Arigatou for reading...

please update more!

don't break up with him! it'll just make it worst!

I feel sorry for the both of them. Now if only Johnny's would allow their idols to have public relationships, but then again, it would end up like here in the US. Matsumoto needs to get it together, and everybody needs to loosen up, jeezum... O-o I just realized I'm reviewing this fic! You actually updated! xD But I wonder how idols do these things though [have relationships], some idols in Johnnys are married, that's so kakkoi, being married and an idol.

Reply to sidenote: Lucky you! Didn't you say you cried at one of the concerts? Now, if only Arashi would come to the US, I can still hope. XD They did debut in Hawaii, but of all places in the US to go, they choose Hawaii! xD